I was running late. It had been a day. You know exactly what I’m talking about. The day when nothing gets done in the office because a parent stops in, the pastor calls to discuss an important issue, the phone never stops ringing, and the email inbox is always full. Needless to say, I still needed to pick Lauren up at school to go hang out with her at Starbucks as I had promised. Truth be told, it was the part of my day I was looking forward to most. When I’m in my office during the day, my heart beats faster and faster looking at the clock for when students are out of school.

Incarnational youth ministry, or relational ministry as it became known, emerged in the middle of the last century through the visionary leadership of Jim Rayburn, founder of Young Life. This philosophy of ministry seeks to communicate Jesus’ love simply by building relationships with young people through which they can experience the love of God. Students have the chance to see firsthand the reality of Christ in the lives of leaders who reach out to them in a personal way. My favorite part of youth ministry is the opportunity that consistently arises to be relational. I believe relationship is at the heart of everything we do as a church. Nowhere is this more apparent than in youth ministry. If we are to be effective at leading students in spiritual transformation, taking them deeper in their relationships with Christ, we have to do so in the context of real relationship. Jesus didn’t come to set up programs; He came to build relationships. My prayer is that my ministry would model that.

Relational ministry doesn’t just exist on its own. It happens through a mutual building of trust between student and leader. True relationship requires intentionality and authenticity. We have to have a plan in place, whether that plan is simply to start meeting at Starbucks with a handful of students or is a small group strategy.

An extravert by nature, relational ministry isn’t exactly out of my box. My inner social-butterfly soars when invited to track meets, football games, swim meets, dance recitals or a sweet 16 family birthday party for one of my students. However, I do realize this isn’t the case for everyone. There’s good news: Relational ministry can be done one-on-one for you introverts out there! One of my best friends, who happens to be an introvert and key leader in our ministry, is an excellent model for relational ministry. She texts the girls in her small group during the week, has coffee dates with them regularly, seeks them out to spend time with them outside of programmed ministry events. I am so convicted that building relationships is the way to go when building a ministry. My desire is that the students involved in the ministry would have a vital relationship with God through Jesus Christ. I want leaders to have solid relationships with one another, with students and with students’ parents. I desire for students to have accountable relationships with other students and with their own parents.

The approach in our ministry to working with students is to impact them spiritually through relationships, because we know that is the best way to help them grow in their faith. Jim Rayburn realized that “a life speaks louder than words” and that “discovery, as well as growth, happens best in the context of relationships.”

That day, Lauren and I spent two hours in Starbucks talking, laughing and sharing life together. I shared just as she did. We talked about school, guys, scheduling dilemmas, a new vision for ministry, our upcoming mission trip, the relationships we have with our families and whether my iced green tea soy latte had less calories than her passion fruit lemonade. The highlight of my day was spending time with her in a relaxed atmosphere. Each day I spend hanging out with a student, going to a sport event, dance recital, chorus or orchestra concert, surf competition or getting coffee fills my life more. I know this is God’s design for ministry; He modeled it for us by sending Jesus to build a relationship with us.

So this week my question is: Is your youth ministry really facilitating relational ministry?

What changes, if any, do you need to make from a programming perspective to move toward a more relational model?