Authentic is one of the hot buzzwords in contemporary youth ministry, as in, “Like, Dude, we really want to be authentic.”
Overall, this is a good thing. Any discussion of leadership needs to include authenticity, but are our uber-sincere efforts to be authentic communicating something false about leadership, discipleship and authenticity itself? What does authenticity actually mean for those of us in ministry leadership? Are teenagers seeking youth workers who are honest and authentic more than youth workers who are godly and righteous? Are authentic leaders more able to understand youths’ struggles, temptations and doubts than godly leaders?
When I search Scripture for leadership guidelines, I find an emphasis on lifestyle and character (
God does not demand that leaders achieve sinless perfection. Were that the case, no human being ever would be qualified for Christian leadership; but Scripture does call us to a very high standard that is consistent with the calling of all God’s people to be a reflection of His glory and His values on this planet.
Perhaps Luther said it best in one of his sermons on the Gospel of John: “These are the two causes of offense to hearers: doctrine and life. If a man leads a good life but preaches bad doctrine, this is a great offense, because he should not be believed. If, on the other hand, he teaches good doctrine but leads a bad life, people say: If what he teaches were true, he himself would live it.”
I can hear some of you saying, “Yeah, but that’s not the kind of leaders kids are looking for.” Our standards should not be based on what teenagers want from us but on what God expects of us. After all, what some kids seek most in their youth leader is someone who will provide them with beer!
Still, how can we expect students to share with us their temptations, doubts and struggles if they feel that we are so much more holy than they? Perhaps the answer is not authenticity but transparency—allowing students to see our hearts, including the good, bad and ugly.
Transparency is an essential element of credibility, writes Jay Kesler in his book Being Holy, Being Human: “We’re to be spiritual examples, yes. People watch us. But that’s not reason to hide our faults; it’s reason to admit them. If people watch closely enough and long enough, either they’ll discover what we try to hide, or else we’ll crack under the strain of trying to keep it from view.”
So does that mean the most authentic leader is one whose life is in a shambles? Using that same logic, we would buy diets from fat people, hair growth products from bald people and abstinence advice from former presidents.
As Ambrose, the Bishop of Milan (A.D. 374-397), vividly put it in his Duties of the Clergy: “Who seeks for a spring in the mud? Who wants to drink from muddy water? …Who will think a man to be useful to another’s cause whom he sees to be useless in his own life?…Am I to suppose that he is fit to give me advice who never takes it for himself?”
The concept that we might be better able to understand teens’ struggles if we ourselves have experienced some of the same failures is very common in today’s therapeutic culture. Surely there is a kernel of truth in the notion that we cannot fully understand someone’s pain unless we have felt similar pain ourselves. As Paul himself pointed out, the comfort we receive from Christ in our troubles allows us to better comfort others in their troubles (
That doesn’t mean lifeguards must personally experience shark attacks before they can rescue successfully those who are attacked or that firemen must be horribly burned before they know how to respond properly to the alarm or that shepherds must be dismembered by wolves before they are fully capable of tending the sheep.
After all, Jesus was perfectly able to understand our frailties though He was perfectly sinless. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin” (
Putting Authenticity and Transparency into Practice
As youth workers who take seriously the mandates of Scripture, let’s apply our debates to the realities of everyday youth ministry leadership by considering two important principles.
Principle 1: Christian authenticity is a call to go beyond just being yourself. It is a call to be who Christ calls us to be.
The gospel is radically transforming because the Holy Spirit empowers us to be more than we are (
A public position of ministry leadership is not the forum for a leader to work out his or her issues. Leaders don’t speak merely to get something off our chests. Our goal must be edification, not self-expression.
As Will Willimon explains in his book Pastor: The Theology and Practice of Ordained Ministry, “It is not my task primarily to ‘share myself’ with my people, certainly not to heed the facile advice of those who say, ‘Just be yourself.’ As Mark Twain said, ‘About the worst advice one can give anybody is, ‘Just be yourself.’ Fortunately, as I enter into the struggles of my people, I have considerably more to offer than myself. I have the witness of the saints, the faith of the church, the wisdom of the ages.”
Principle 2: Christian transparency demands that every confession of failure is joined with a clear intention to do better.
The glory of the gospel is that by the death of Jesus for us we are saved just as we are. Equally glorious is the fact that by the life of Jesus in us, we are not bound to stay as we are (
No one blames a baby for dirty diapers, but older children should know better. Our long-term goal for the students we lead is for them to be cleansed from sin, redeemed by their Father and equipped with spiritual maturity so they stop making messes.
We can still embrace Mike Yaconelli’s concept of messy spirituality, but the great news of God’s sanctifying Spirit is that little by little, He helps us clean up our messiness. We don’t need to dwell in the mess of our addictions, habits, sinful tendencies or sub-Christian behaviors. God loves us as we are, but He doesn’t intend for us to remain that way.
Healthy Transparency: What Do Kids See When They See Through You?
For youth workers, it’s not enough that kids trust us, relate to us and think we’re authentic. Transparency is not about sharing our problems so people will notice how much we’ve given up, how wild we were, how humble we are, how honest we are willing to be.
The goal of real transparency is that it allows students to see through us so they more clearly can see Christ (this progression is described in
Some confessions simply are not suited for public consumption. If you’re struggling with sin, talk to your prayer group of peers. Talk to your pastor. Talk to your counselor. Talk to your spiritual director. Don’t dump on a youth group a load they shouldn’t be asked to bear.
Healthy transparency allows students to hear what they need to know; unhealthy transparency tells them more than they wanted to hear. It is completely appropriate, for example, for the students in my youth group to know that I struggle with lust. On the other hand, if I continue by saying, “In fact, Sally, your Mom is a fox; and you’re not bad either!” that crosses a major line!
Healthy transparency allows students to trust the messenger; unhealthy transparency distracts students from the message. The radio host, author and entertainer Garrison Keller is right: As soon as the pastor stands up in the service and says, “I’m a human being just like you,” the immediate conclusion of everyone in the congregation is that he must have committed adultery. Then, the next questions on their minds are, “Who was she? And for how long?”
Sure, I want the youth I lead to understand that I struggle with real issues. That’s being authentic. That gives me credibility when I teach and speak; but there is a point at which the sharing of my dark emotions begins making it harder for them to hear.
What about the kid who approaches you and asks, point blank, if you were involved in various sinful behaviors when you were a kid? Here’s how I handle such questions: “If I answer that it’s none of your business and the answer is between me and God, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll hear that as a yes. If I answer yes to your question, there’s a pretty good chance you’ll take that as permission to make the same mistakes I’ve made. If, on the other hand, I say no, there’s a good possibility you might reason that I couldn’t possibly understand what you’re facing or what you’re going through right now. So, what that question amounts to is a lose-lose proposition for both of us; and I’m not willing to put us in that position, so I’m not going to answer that question.”
This kind of answer certainly doesn’t satisfy the kids who ask these questions, but it helps me avoid leading other into sin.
Healthy transparency is heard as honest confession; unhealthy transparency is heard as implicit permission. It is appropriate for students to understand that my own high school years were not free from mistakes and bad choices, but I also must understand that what I meant as confession likely will be heard by some of my students as permission. Some of them will think, “Well, if he did it, he’s doing OK, and he’s got a good life; so I’ll play now and worry about confession later.”
In my own mind, I am looking back on my bad decisions as signposts of God’s protection and mercy; but when my students hear too vividly about those same decisions, they interpret them as signs that all the dire warnings about sin’s consequences are overblown.
All sin is equal in the sight of God; but clearly, all sin does not have equal consequences. When a leader falls, the consequences are much greater, in part at least, because they are so much more visible. Leadership is a privilege, not a right. With privilege always comes responsibility.
As Jesus told His disciples: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked (
This article is adapted from Duffy’s book, This Way to Youth Ministry. Duffy has also written about the essential qualities of youth ministry leadership in his latest book, Building a Youth Ministry That Build Disciples.
