As youth leaders, we constantly are being watched: by students, other leaders, parents, fellow parishioners. This shouldn’t make us paranoid, but it should help us remember that what people see us doing is incredibly important.
Relationships First
This seems so obvious that it shouldn’t warrant mention, but it’s crucial. It is easy for us to get so caught up in the logistics of running a youth group meeting or event that we end up ignoring the students who need our attention. Yes, the small group rooms must be assigned, and the broken screen needs to be fixed; but if we don’t put our focus on strengthening relationships with the students around us, we’ve missed the point! If students see that we care more about logistics than we do their lives, they will think and believe that we don’t care. As Maya Angelou famously said, what people remember most about you is not what you said or did, but how you made them feel. It’s the job of the youth worker to help students understand that are important and valued.
For many of us, this means building a margin into our time so we aren’t communicating to others that we are in a hurry. When I was in college, I remember meeting someone whom I considered to be a “famous worship leader.” I was visiting his church and saw him standing alone, so I approached him. I don’t remember anything he said, but I do remember that he took time to talk to me. He wasn’t looking at his watch or for the next person to talk to after me. I felt as if I could have talked to him for half an hour, and he would have been fine. I learned so much from him that day, and he had no idea I was watching him as he did that.
In a Crisis
This is particularly important in a time of stress or when emotions are high. Anyone can fake it for a while or when everything is going smoothly. However, in a crisis, we may behave differently. While people will be more forgiving of you if you don’t handle yourself well, you communicate to everyone around you what is actually inside of you in a time of crisis. When the bus driver arrives late to pick you up, when the airline cancels your flight on your mission trip home, or when a student misbehaves and you have to handle it, you are teaching everyone around you by how you handle yourself and others in that situation. Jesus said, “Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Those moments are often heart-check opportunities for you, as well.
There are many other ways this comes into play. For instance, do you initiate contact with all the students, including those who are a little harder to talk to? Students notice if you play favorites, and they are learning when you choose to connect with students others avoid. When you have a devotional time on a retreat, do you (and your leaders) participate, too? It’s tempting to use that time to get things done, but it’s more important to set the example yourself. There are plenty of other examples. Of course, it’s not enough for you to just do the right thing; Jesus wants our hearts to be behind doing the right thing.
The apostle Paul implored his readers to follow him as he followed Christ. Inherent in this is the expectation for them to watch what he did and learn from imitating his behavior, which imitated Christ’s. With humility, we can do the same thing. Students can follow us as they watch us following Christ.
