So should we --and we have to make sure we treat everyone equally, regardless of social standing.

The Crowds, the Twelve, and the Three

Having said that, it's OK to spend more time with some students than others. You can imagine that people accused Jesus of playing favorites with the big three: Peter, James and John. "How come I didn't get to see the Transfiguration, Jesus?" Andrew might have complained. Jesus had His reasons, and we may never know them.

We shouldn't be apologetic about focusing our attention on a smaller group of our own choosing. For instance, I tend to spend more time with my student worship leaders simply because I'm expecting more of them and I know their spiritual health (or lack thereof) can have an effect on the entire group.

We should follow Jesus' pattern of having at least three areas of focus. First, we must pay attention to the crowds. We can do this through our large group teaching and by remembering the names and interesting facts of everyone in the group. Second, we should think about forming some type of student ministry team (patterned after Jesus' 12) in which any committed students, not just handpicked favorites, are encouraged to step into further ministry responsibility. Finally, within that team there likely will be a handful that gets even more attention for a variety of reasons, whether because they have greater ministry responsibility or because we fill an adult mentor role they lack.

A Heart to Serve

The problem with filling our youth groups with the popular or attractive is that they may or may not be willing to fulfill our main priorities for our ministry teams: having a group committed to service. Jesus said that if we want to be great, we have to be servants. How much are we recruiting our student leaders by issuing a call to service? We must be vigilant about maintaining our impartiality when calling students to account for their service to the group—no matter how much we like them or how connected we are to their families.

Being Accessible

In addition, we must be readily accessible to the entire youth ministry. An easy way to do this is to have a presence on as many campuses as possible. Another tactic is to have regular, well-advertised office hours so anyone in the ministry can come by to see us.

My favorite method for connecting with fringe groups of people is one I happened onto by accident. It was taco night at the Thomas household, and I invited two students over who'd stopped by my office to say hi. After consuming the delicious tacos, these students stuck around for about an hour and we talked about all kinds of things.

My wife made the observation afterwards that we should make this an every-other-week event. We've found that after eating a fun meal together, students are ready to open up. This gives us a chance to let them see our lives, as well. Find a way to let the entire group know about something like taco night and see who responds, but also keep your eyes open for those you'd like to reach out to and pursue them directly.

You can't avoid being drawn to people you like, but you can ask God to make you an impartial person who loves equally, just as God does. I saw a shirt that sums it up. On the front, it reads: "I'm God's favorite." and on the back: "And so are you." We should strive to make every student feel like he or she is our favorite, just like the student sitting next to her.