The single most important issue we must address in youth ministry is identity formation. The reason? It’s the single most important issue in a teenager’s life. The place they land now, in terms of their understanding of themselves, will determine who they are for the rest of their lives.
Every teenager chooses to find identity in something and it’s not just teenagers—it’s the most important issue for all of us.
Recently, I asked a room full of youth workers to imagine what it’s like to live in teenagers’ skin developmentally. I told half of the room to assume the identity of a 14-year-old boy. The other half became 12-year-old girls. After jokingly telling them to keep their hands off each other, I lowered the lights and played “Shut Up and Drive” by talented pop star Rhianna—at 19 still a teenager herself. When the lights came on I asked the “teens” in the room what the song taught them about “themselves.”
The girls learned how important it is to have a slim body and to wear clothing that shows off that body. They learned that being a “girl gone wild” isn’t a bad thing; it’s maybe the normal thing. They learned they had power over guys and could boss the guys around—particularly when it comes to relating to each other sexually. The boys learned their identity lies in their sexuality, that girls are to be viewed as objects no different than a car, and that they hold the keys to those “cars” in their hands. One “girl” said, “I want to be Rhianna. She’s got it all!”
“California” 24/7
The adolescent search for identity isn’t anything new. Having grown up in the 1960s, I remember people stereotyping confused teenagers as being on a quest to “find themselves.” Back then, the stereotype had the befuddled adolescent hopping into an old VW bus and heading west to California.
Times have changed. Today, “California” comes to students 24/7. The digital and media revolution has created a world where identity-shaping institutions and their messages live everywhere all the time.
In a perfect world, all of our teenagers would understand themselves and find their identity in who they are as unique individuals created in the image of God for a relationship with Him, but we don’t live in perfect world. Life in a fallen world presents kids with two options: either finding one’s identity in Christ, or choosing to find identity in something else, which is idolatry.
American Idols
Our kids embrace idolatry when they base their value, worth and identity on someone or something other than God. That’s why we always should want to know who’s sending identity messages, what those messages are and how kids are embracing those messages. To undo the wrong with the right, we first must know and understand the wrong that’s being embraced so we can challenge that wrong with the right.
Our imperfect world is marked by the waning influence of institutions (family and church) that traditionally helped teenagers understand and assume their identity should be found in Christ. Eventually, the blind start leading the blind, as teenaged influencers like Rhianna who’s not alone by any stretch of the imagination, show their peers the way through the teenaged years, telling them, “This is where to find your identity,” and leaving them saying, “That’s who I want to be.”
Guidance
So where are kids landing in their search for identity, and what effect is that having on their lives?
If our youth ministry calling is ultimately about pointing kids to Christ and praying He would embrace them so hard that they would find their identity solely in His embrace, what can we do to help students find their way through our culture’s confusing identity mess?
* First, continually look in the mirror to check on yourself, asking this question: “Where am I finding my identity?”
Because identity is a constant struggle for us all, we must recognize that along with all the other identity bases knocking on the door of our ultimate allegiance, youth ministry throws in a few extra. Do we find our identity in the size of our group? Our ability to make kids laugh or sing? The fact there’s a group of students who admire, adore and follow us around? That we have power over a group of people who pay attention when we speak?
In his recent book, The Reason for God, Timothy Keller reminds us “every person must find some way to ‘justify their existence,’ and to stave off the universal fear that they’re a ‘bum.’” Hmmm. How many of us got into youth ministry in an effort to find acceptance and significance? Ultimately, our identity can and must be found in Christ and Him alone. We must be sure that with Augustine we are able to say, “Our hearts our restless until they find their rest in Thee!”
* Second, continually check in on the identity shaping world. Watching culture is not a once-and-done activity. For the Christian, culture-watching is an active and on-going responsibility.
Because culture constantly is shifting and changing, the responsibility lies on us to stay on top of the nuances of our kids’ youth culture, particularly the messengers and messages that are shaping their identity. It’s not just something we do; it’s something we do with a purpose.
Theologian John Stott calls this “dual listening.” He says we “stand between the Word and the world with consequent obligation to listen to both. We listen to the Word in order to discover ever more of the riches of Christ. We listen to the world to discover which of Christ’s riches are needed most and how to present them in their best light.” When it comes to the task of shaping identity—our own and our students’—dual listening is a necessity. We must know their world in order to bring the light of the Word to bear on it.
* Third, confront the lies.
Several times in the Sermon on the Mount Jesus issues a statement in this pattern: “You have heard it said … but I tell you …” Each and every time, Jesus issued a corrective to widely-held cultural wisdom that His listeners not only had heard, but had allowed to become a part of their very lives. Jesus confronted and undid the world-centered you have heards with His Word-centered I tell yous.
As followers of Christ and ministers of His Kingdom message, we need to follow suit. We must know our culture’s identity lies. Then, we must shed the light of God’s life-changing and identity-giving truth on those lies.
* Finally, nothing speaks louder than embodied truth.
Students are sharp, very sharp. It doesn’t take long for them to pick up on what it is that’s got a stranglehold on their leader’s identity. If you have embraced the Christ who has embraced you, then that mutual life-giving bond will serve as a compelling embodiment that turns conventional cultural wisdom about where to find one’s identity upside-down! The who you are, sends strong messages about the who they’ve been made to be.
