A key task of emerging adulthood is the discovery of a partner with whom to spend one’s life. To this end, the Internet arguably has had the greatest technological influence on the landscape of dating since the automobile became commonplace in western households. Where cars provided the freedom to date beyond prying adult eyes, the Internet opens the doors to dating beyond contextual relationships. Though the controlled pace of interactions has allowed the shy or more nervous individual opportunity to wax eloquent responses without the debilitating fear of sweaty armpits, the overwhelming number of people searching online for love has created a hyper-relational, image-driven environment from which to start a potential “until death do us part” relationship.

Genesis 2 reminds us that we are all created to connect on a personal level in significant community. Yet, being one virtual profile among a sea of millions creates a competitive atmosphere where successful individuals become intuitive experts at self-branding. Various bytes of data are are arranged and rearranged in key words and images to maximize search engine hits or highlight compatibility. Deception becomes rampant as people desperately project an idealized or embellished version of themselves to attract the attention of some unknown end user surfing through waves of profiles. For the many who give in to the temptation of misrepresentation, the very tool promising the personal connection and love they desperately desire instead reduces them to a consumable commodity. This in turn generates a fear of being discovered for who they really are, the pain of rejection and the heartache of further isolation. For those who serve the emerging adult community and desire a sense of peace and wholeness in their lives, these outcomes are a pain we wish our young adults to avoid. To protect the emerging adults in our ministries, the gut programmatic response may be to start a preaching series against Internet dating, but this would be a misstep.

The practice of preaching against something is often misrepresented as the prophetic voice. The call presented in this prophetic voice scenario is to challenge emerging adults living in the wilderness of isolation instead to live an authentic expression of identity. Though the concept of authenticity is decidedly a positive one, the limitation of preaching against Internet dating is a reinforcement of moralism while avoiding the primary question of what an emerging adult actually does with his or her deeper relational desires. An alternative to this narrow view of the prophetic voice is to reframe our roles from those who call young adults to a higher standard to those who provide opportunities for young adults to increase their faith in God. The journey toward wholeness is then reframed as an invitation to trust Jesus with our desire to matter to another person. As emerging adults are bombarded with a sea of images, we intentionally re-image an identity rooted in an abiding relationship with Jesus Christ. This abiding in Christ image stands in contrast to an identity shaped by the perceived projection of an unknown other’s desires onto the self. What emerging adults need from us then is an invitation to step out of the isolation, shame and embarrassment of embellished profiles and into participation with, in and among significant interconnected adult community, deeply rooted and abiding in the love of the Father. As we participate in life together with emerging adults, we jointly model and experience a pure form of a love from God, in whom we place our trust and from whom all adults can offer to others an authentic sense of self.