The search is on! Adolescence is the time period in which young most people are searching for significant answers to the question “Who am I?” The most accurate place to find the answer to this question is within the pages of the Bible. Scripture tells us who we are, seeing as it reveals God’s opinion of human beings. This is as much personal as it is universal. However, as young women are searching for the answer, trying to find any place that will give them a sense of value, the church often is sending the message of who they should not be instead of who they are. The church should be teaching adolescent girls who they are in Christ so they can experience faith transformation.
I have grown into a young woman of faith in the church. I learned many Bible stories, memorized several verses and sang tons of Christian songs. Nevertheless, in being a young woman, I was taught a message based on what I should not do and who I should not be. I learned the importance of staying pure by hearing repeatedly what I should not be doing. The whole message to me was negative. The heart of the message was seemingly more about controlling me than loving me into becoming a strong woman of God. The adults in church more so wanted to prevent me from committing specific actions than teaching me anything about my value. I felt like just another person, just a teenage girl who potentially could mess up a lot of things. Sometimes I felt like just another face in the crowd. Inside I was lonely and desperately wanted someone to care about who I was. I wanted affirmation in choosing to live for Christ; instead, acknowledgment came only in negative circumstances. I had a deep longing to know that I was important, but it seemed as though no one would affirm this in me. It felt that leaders were more concerned with what I shouldn’t be than with who I was.
In youth ministry, it is important to understand adolescents and where they are in life. Their key task is identity development, and the church can provide the most accurate information about that endeavor. The message the church needs to teach young women is less about what they shouldn’t do or wear and more about who they are in Christ. The Lord has created each person and given us each value. We are all children of God, and He has given us all purpose in being here for this time. There are several places in Scripture that explain who we are in Christ. For example,
As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned more about my identity in Christ. I learned that I was important to Him and that God saw me even when I cried. I learned that He wanted to share in my pain and that He wanted me to know I had value. Knowing that you have value truly changes your life. I lived for such a long time thinking the world would be completely fine without me. I didn’t know I was important, and because of that I had a hard time in my relationship with God. I thought He was like everyone else and didn’t care about anything in my life other than me being good, and I knew I would never measure up to His standards. Once I learned more about my loving God’s opinion of me, I was willing to give more in my relationship with Him.
Youth leaders always seem to teach about having a relationship with God. It is something personal and beautiful. It often is represented through sports analogies, which might not mean anything to the girls at youth group. (Don’t get me wrong—I am an athlete and enjoy sports, but I’m still a girl!). Knowing about relationship with God and committing to a relationship with Him is not necessarily what helped me become spiritually strong. What brought about spiritual transformation in me was learning that God desires me. He wants to be with me even in my imperfections, even in my weak moments. God places great value in my life because I am His child. This is something young women need to know.
If a young woman feels insignificant, she most likely also will feel insignificant in her relationship with God. This is a problem of spirituality because if a girl doesn’t see herself as valuable, she is not going to invest much in her relationship with God. Compare this with relationships in high school. If you think someone is “too cool” for you to be friends with, you won’t try to befriend him or her because you feel unworthy. With God, you will not grow in your relationship with Him if you don’t see yourself as having value to Him. In my experience, knowing that I am treasured by my heavenly Father has brought about healing my life. It also has made my relationship with the Lord more significant to me. I learned that God’s opinion of me is higher than what anyone else’s would or could be.
It has been my experience in youth ministry that adolescent girls need to hear the message of identity. They need to hear that they are beautiful, valuable, treasured and loved by God. These types of messages really can change lives. It is more powerful and effective than the “Thou shalt not” message.
While I was working as a program director at a Christian camp, I had the opportunity to speak one-on-one with a female junior high camper. In our conversation, I told her that she was beautiful, among many other things. She went back home after the week was over, and I received a letter from her in the mail. The letter read: “Dear Kiley, you probably saved my life after you told me I was beautiful. I ate for the first time in a while. You were the first person to ever tell me that I was beautiful.” This letter simply proves the importance of the identity message for young women. Not only is it helpful spiritually, but it can be helpful in other areas of life, as well.
The Christian community should be the place where adolescent women learn and experience an accurate definition of identity. Youth group needs to be a place of learning more than shoulds and shouldn’ts, but a place of true spiritual growth. This growth can be experienced only through the knowledge of who God created you to be.
