The longer you’re a parent, the more you realize there are fewer and fewer hills to die on.

I received the following letter from a concerned parent. My response to her applies to many situations as you relate to your children and teens.

The mother writes:

In a nutshell, I have a wonderful 16-year-old daughter, raised in church, Christian school, the whole nine yards. I realize that doesn’t make one a Christian, yet my husband and I did our best to instill core biblical values and truths into her since her birth.

She never gives us any trouble. I still don’t allow her to listen to much secular music. The most she listens to when I’m around is Radio Disney.

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She is a reader, which is a great thing. She recently brought two books home from her friend and said she wanted to read them and that they were about vampires. I immediately said I don’t think that’s a good idea. She didn’t understand why I wouldn’t let her read these books since vampires aren’t real.

I explained to her that they are of a demonic nature and not something I want her to allow into her life, real or not. There was more we said, but she was very upset with me. She didn’t think I would respond the way I did, because she sees nothing wrong. I don’t want to just say no and not explain why, and yet I truly feel these books are not appropriate for any Christian.

Can you give me any advice?

Here is my response to this mother:

You may have missed a wonderful teaching opportunity, but it’s not too late.

When my children were teens, my family had a few hills I felt were worth dying on, such as no sex before marriage, no illicit drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, nor anything against the law.

Let’s evaluate your circumstances:

• You have a wonderful 16-year-old daughter.

• She never gives you any trouble.

• You allow a limited variety of entertainment choices.

• She is upset with you because you won’t let her read novels involving vampires.

Without knowing you, your daughter, or your daughter’s side of the story, may I offer some questions and insight?

1. You don’t know if your daughter is obedient because you have her on such a short entertainment leash. Nor do you know if she really wants to be obedient. Her hostile response could be a minor eruption of a volcano of emotions that have been brewing under the surface for a while. It‘s definitely a sign of a deeper need.

2. Do you know how your daughter actually feels about most spiritual issues? Is her Christianity based on her faith or your faith?

3. I agree with you that books involving vampires would be inappropriate for a 16–year-old. But you get upset when your daughter tries to express her opinion. This can be deadly if you ever hope to teach her how to think biblically.