Setting appropriate boundaries is important. Be self-aware. Protect your identity against those who would ask you to be somebody different from the perseon God created you to be. Know your true friends. Be a true friend to others, but guard against giving so much of yourself that you lose your identity. Giving and receiving are important, but so are balance and equality. Develop relationships that are healthy for all involved. Each is a treasure—the other person, but also you.

Mistakes are part of life. Perfection is impossible. Be wary of any relationship that does not allow imperfection. Be wary of any relationship that separates you from your network of friends (i.e., sometimes the male expects the female to devote all her time and energies exclusively to him). To the extent your means allow, live fully; but also know life can sometimes very feel empty. Do not let the emptiness overcome or scare you. Your friends are your safety net. They encourage you, forgive you and bring out the best in you. Believe in your friends. Believe in your Creator. Believe in yourself. In all things, be true to yourself, to God, to your friends and to your enemies (as much as possible). When you honor each of these, life is an adventure, full of wonder, glory and worth. When you fail to honor these, you risk staying in unhealthy relationships longer than appropriate. You risk becoming unable to recognize when a relationship has become abusive.

Love is a cherished phenomenon, but in our society love is poorly defined. In my younger years, "I love you," meant I desired her. I desired her to be mine. I desired the ways I could use her to fill the voids within me. I did not cherish her worth or her contribution to the world. I was not willing to help her fulfill her dreams.

This was not done consciously, intentionally or maliciously. In my youth, I was limited in my ability to move past my needs. I could not see her needs as equal to mine. For some, this imbalance is greater than for others, but it is not likely that a boy would possess a love that can survive the trials inherent in the challenges that confront people who make a life-long commitment. Sex, babies and marriage require love, not desire.

Eventually, I learned love focused more on what I could do for her and less on what she could do for me. I focused less on the physical and was better able to pursue the emotional, mental and spiritual dimensions that would ensure our relationship was healthy, mutually supportive and equitable. I suspect that girls have similar misunderstandings of love as do men, but you will have to ask a woman about that.

As best as possible, keep your male-female interactions age appropriate. Allowing sex to be part of the relationship before you and your potential partner are mature adults makes you vulnerable. Without a lifelong commitment, you risk being a commodity that is thrown away when your usefulness has ended. Without the maturity, you risk being unable to provide food and shelter as needed. The lifestyle you now have will be harder to maintain or improve.

During your teenage years, you are more than a girl, but not yet a woman. Many teenage girls will be sexually active. Remember you have choices. You can choose otherwise. Your potential to the world, to yourself and to the man of your dreams is precious. You need time to mature to the degree needed to be a productive member of society vocationally and personally. Maturity benefits you and the boys/men around you. Despite our rough exterior and stoic demeanor, men also are vulnerable and precious. We need you to become responsible, trustworthy and compassionate adults who know how to cherish and nurture the gift of self that one of us one day will give you. Marriage is the union of two individuals who are committed to the welfare of self, each other and the infants/children/teenagers who in time become part of their family.