Collaboration

One of the most important things we can do for parents and families is reveal their teenager's talents. Within the life of a busy family, a parent easily can overlook how his or her teenager is seen by peers, teachers, coaches and other adults. As youth workers, we can help them see how friends, other parents and youth counselors within the church view their sons and daughters. We do that by affirming their talents, or as Peter Benson of the Search Institute calls them sparks: "A spark is something inside your teenager that gets him or her excited. It's something that makes your teenager want to jump out of bed in the morning. Spark is the thing that gives teenagers (and all people) meaning," but sometimes youth just don't talk about it.

Many youth workers are familiar with youth affirmation approaches used at retreats and on mission trips. This usually is done by writing down positive, life-affirming comments about all group members and placing them in their respective envelopes or boxes. At the end of the event, participants receive their envelopes and discuss these affirmations in a small-group setting. What if we took that same approach to our parent meetings in order to show the various sparks of the youth group? I realize some youth workers feel that parent meetings are a waste of time, but I believe they can be valuable points of reference for parents, youth and youth workers, especially when a youth worker is making an attempt toward collaborating with parents and families.

A parent meeting with the intention of collaboration reflects the biblical mandate from the apostle Paul when he said, "Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification" (Rom. 14:19). In other words, we are to build each other up in word and deed. Most parents and youth are bombarded with negative jargon in regard to their competency as being successful in today's world. From the stresses of passing yearly scholastic tests to preparing for SATs, youth always are caught within the mix of being labeled "not good enough" or "not smart enough." It's too easy for youth to believe these negative labels, no matter how untrue they may be. What Paul challenged the church in Rome to do still applies to the faith community of today: Build up each other in truth and in love. Youth workers can take what is thought by many as useless and boring parent meetings and transform them into shared spaces between youth and families where renewed, positive images of youth emerge.

The design of such parent meetings would revolve around activities and program components that match parents, youth and youth counselors in teams or groups that could work together. Of course, information about upcoming events and other activities would be shared by the group at large, but communicating annual youth events is not the central aim of the parent meeting. The main goal of the parent meeting is to cast youth in a different light than their parents are used to seeing at home. I designed one parent meeting in particular around the game "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" My youth intern and I formed teams of five to seven people consisting of youth, counselors and parents; each team had an opportunity to answer questions. All of the fun things, such as lifelines—we called our pastor—and audience suggestions were included. After the game, each team shared with one another the contributions they each brought to the team and the game. This then moved the discussion toward what things youth liked about playing the game. I also have included pumpkin-carving contests and Christmas tree-dressing and caroling contests in parent meetings among other holiday and seasonal themes—activities that included the creative and artistic sparks of youth.

Again, it takes much prayer and patience to develop a ministry to families with youth; but in the long run, youth workers will come to appreciate the guidance and resources parents can share with youth and the larger church family. Most importantly, a productive youth worker will view this as collaboration rather than competition with parents and families. Youth workers must remember that the more sparks we can demonstrate to parents; the better the chance they will be able to support their sons' and daughters' passions and dreams to further the Kingdom of God.