It's been 15 years since I jumped on that roller coaster ride called youth ministry. Its ups and downs taught me a great deal about myself and others. One of the first rules about youth ministry that I erroneously followed was that parents were to be removed from the ministry at all costs. When I used to meet with other youth workers for a bite to eat or a cup of coffee, they also thought parents were the problem with our youth ministries. Many times, I felt parents just didn't understand. Maybe Will Smith actually knew what he was rapping about back in the late '80s. I mean, didn't parents know we were trying to save their children? Most likely, I never communicated that message to parents, though I probably thought they should have known. Now, a little older and hopefully a little wiser, I view parents as allies rather than enemies; but it still takes a lot of prayer and patience to help get everyone on the same page.

Family Influence

In American society, the perception that youth are self-reliant and resilient enough to use their leisure time wisely and have the coping skills to deal with their particular home situation (i.e, single-parent, blended family, raised by grandparents, etc.) all by themselves is ill-conceived.The notion that kids can raise themselves carries unfortunate outcomes for youth, their families and the communities in which they live. Because our current society values busyness more than opportunities for quality family time, the church and other youth-serving institutions accept superficial means of bringing families together: "In recent years, these changes have led to artificial means of bringing children and adults together, such as Take Your Daughter to Work Day; or in Christian contexts, children's sermons and youth Sundays." This attitude is embedded within our culture, and it places more attention on the individual student rather than the influences and the involvement of his or her family.

Until recently, most youth workers thought the main influential factor within adolescent lives were their peers. Although peer relationships are a prominent aspect of teenage life, research has shown that parents and families remain the number one influence for teens. In fact, the National Study of Youth and Religion found that the majority of religious teens model their parent's religious lives, including worship preferences and the value placed on church attendance. In other words, teens are much more conservative and conventional in regard to spiritual formation than we thought. This shouldn't be seen as a negative. In fact, this is a good thing for youth workers, because it provides us with an earmark within our youth programming; for we are able to observe where youth are in their faith through the faith journeys of their parents. Our job, then, is to help youth find a faith of their own as they shed their parent's faith and begin to hear God's calling in their lives. This begs the question, "How are we engaging parents in our youth ministries?"