Erikson suggested that in adolescence one establishes the ability to will whatever he wants freely, developing his sense of self as someone separate from his parents. Adolescents, he said, "would rather act shamelessly in the eyes of his elders out of free choice than be forced into activities which would be shameful in his own eyes or in those of his peers."

Adolescents are looking for affirmation from peers and leaders in their lives who allow for free expression of ideas and ideals. When an adolescent is deprived of such an environment, Erikson described an adolescent that "may resist with the wild strength encountered in animals that are suddenly forced to defend their lives."

This stage of adolescence is marked by identity confusion. Adolescents "keep themselves together" by temporarily over-identifying "with the heroes of cliques and crowds to the point of an apparently complete loss of individuality." This identity confusion expresses itself in "falling in love" to establish one's identity or developing one's self through exclusion of others. Erikson suggested this exclusion of others is a natural and necessary defense against the sense of identity loss. Adolescents often find their identities in who they are "in love with" or with which clique they associate—a natural aspect of their identity formation.

The next crisis is intimacy, which Erikson described as a "counterpointing as well as a fusing of identities." An individual or youth "not sure of his identity shies away from interpersonal intimacy or throws himself into acts of intimacy which are ‘promiscuous' without true fusion or real self-abandon." A deep sense of isolation is developed if youth cannot develop or accomplish intimate relationships with others. As one takes chances on one's identity in sharing true intimacy, one becomes more him or he "self." Erikson's increment of identity is based on the formula "We are what we love."

As Erikson saw it, a sense of identity cannot be gained or maintained, but is constantly lost and regained.

Helping Kids Forge Strong Identities

Based on Erickson's insights into identity formation, how can we help kids become persons? Here are a few things to keep in mind.

1. Help them develop and understand their uniqueness.

Each individual is "fearfully and wonderfully made," as Psalm 139:14 describes. The first thing to keep in mind is that each individual is unique. Each person has his or her own formation. No two people are the same. Everyone is in a different place in his or her formation. This consumer-driven culture has made millions of dollars selling an image to our teens that makes them look the same, dress the same, act the same, want and have the same things. They exploit what is "cool" and try to make a few dollars doing it. Adolescents naturally identify with certain peer groups to be accepted, and they find their identities in those groups. It impedes the development of their uniqueness. Instead of learning how to own "who they are," we condition them to become someone they are not.

 

2. Identity formation happens within the context of trust and love.

Identity formation transpires when their environments are conducive for exploring possibilities in the areas of vocation, ideology and sex. Within biblical boundaries, creating an environment to explore jobs, ideas and sexuality helps them form their sense of who they are.  

3. Have realistic expectations.

It is natural for adolescents to find their identities in someone, some sport, some thing, some product and some idea. It is completely natural for adolescents to avoid certain groups of people. It is not natural to provide a "one-size-fits-all" spirituality, because of their uniqueness.

4. Invite God into the process.

If everyone is either being "conformed to the pattern of this world" or being "transformed by the renewing" of his or her mind, we should invite the Holy Spirit into the lives of young people and teach them the sword of the Spirit—God's Word—to direct their growth.

It is completely normal for an adolescent one week to be emo and the next week to be preppy. It also is completely normal for an adolescent to be a committed Christian and a leader in your youth ministry one week and cussing up a storm in your Bible study the next week. This constant "trying on" of different identities—like trying to find the right dress for the prom—is a completely and necessary aspect of identity formation.

I am not saying we should promote cussing, but we should create an environment for adolescents to experience their true selves by exploring; and making commitments in these areas aids in the identity-formation process.