Sorry you have to look at this head. I'm having a bad hair day. A bad hair month! Does my butt look big in these jeans?

This is how we adults sometimes blather on, subjecting our teens to our self-deprecating monologues. Isn't it just exhausting? The fact is, it's worse.

We leave no room to notice and welcome others when we ramble on and on about our particular disappointments with our appearances. Not only that, but as we do, we reveal to others what we value. We may not mean to, but we do. When we bring it up, we confirm that we agree with the world's valuing of us; ultimately, we agree with the world's valuing of them.

Youth workers want to give kids helpful tools to deal with their bodies. Unfortunately, many of us are modeling the worst possible behaviors. We may say one thing, but we do the opposite.

No magic words you choose to share with teens struggling with body image issues (read: "all teens") will impact them as much as who you are. Neither your heartfelt, "It's what's on the inside that counts!" nor an inspired "You are fearfully and wonderfully made" will ring true if teens don't see you accepting who God made you to be.

They've already noticed how much time, energy and resources you pour into clothes, shoes, hair, etc. Yet as you begin to accept the skin, hair, abs and face you've been given—with gratitude!—the self-acceptance you communicate liberates others to accept themselves. This is big. This is really big. In the face of the culture's overwhelming pressure to look casually fantastic, the simple act of your own self-acceptance will impact teens more than anything you have to say.

Comfortable in Skin

In case it wasn't obvious, I suspect the converse is also true. When we don't highlight our imperfections, we subvert the world's twisty values. I'm not saying this simply because my grandmother instructed me never to draw attention to features I didn't like about myself. My theory is based on actual research.

I've conducted a few informal studies to learn more about the kind of individuals about whom people say, "She's comfortable in her own skin." You know the ones. I suspect you like to be around them very much. What I've found is that this isn't said about a lot about supermodels or Hollywood celebrities or famous rock stars. More often, I hear it spoken about those who aren't glamorously beautiful. For instance, I've heard it said about an elderly person who is full of life and zest; another woman who is actively involved in community service and is overweight; an someone else who takes a keen interest in others and doesn't fit the world's concept of attractiveness.

Specifically, it's said about those who don't do this tiring thing of going on and on about their imperfections. They don't deny their imperfections; they just don't expend a whole lot of energy drawing attention to them. That's it. That's the whole strategy. By not wasting any energy on noticing their imperfections, these people confirm they are good enough.