I woke up that Sunday morning with a feeling of absolute dread. I didn't want to go to church because I knew how hard this particular morning was going to be. My hands shook all through "big" church; and when it came time for the youth service, I tried to put on a happy face, smile, laugh and hug girls just like I always did. The service was winding down, and I knew it was almost time for the big announcement that I had been trying not to think about. I was seriously considering slipping out the back door.

My husband and I walked up to the front of the room, and I made him say it because I already was having trouble composing myself. My husband, Matt, explained to the room of about 70 junior high and high school students that God was calling us to Colorado to embark on a new adventure, and we would be moving away at the end of the month. The quiet sound of sniffling all around the room made it even harder for me to hold back my own emotions. Those were just the first of many tears that were to follow that month as we said our goodbyes to the students we loved so dearly and in whom had invested so much of our lives.

I had read all the books, attended the conferences, classes and seminars. I had a thorough knowledge of every aspect of youth ministry and felt that I was equipped for any obstacle that could come my way, that is, except for what I experienced in August -- leaving.

Leaving my first youth ministry job was one of the most painful things I have experienced in my life so far. I had spent the last four years pouring my heart into the lives of the students at my church, and it never occurred to me just how deeply I had grown to love them until God asked me to leave them.

I had worked myself into a job at the church. I started volunteering there during my last year of college and fell totally in love with teenagers. I began interning with the youth ministry as I worked on completing my Certificate of Youth Ministry. As our ministry grew, the church decided to keep me on as the assistant youth director.

Our youth pastor had been there only about a year longer than me, so we grew together. We experimented with different techniques and programs; we had many success and many more failures those first couple of years. Still, God was working; and with the help our amazing youth team, we soon found our ministry rhythm. Our ministry grew from about 20 core students to more than 60 in four years.

I had battled with these students on every level. I had walked with them through depression, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, sickness, suicide attempts, homosexuality, alcoholic parents, rape and death of loved ones.

I had watched students I loved walk away from the church, and I had seen some of them return and renew their commitment to Christ. I saw victories and growth. I witnessed new relationships with God begin and long-time relationships deepen. I had a front row seat to witness some of the most important moments that ever will happen in the life of a believer.