In addition, our teaching must incorporate each and every chapter of the biblical drama that's unfolding around us. The chapter called "Creation" includes a clear design and order for the family. The chapter titled "Fall" recognizes that God's shalom has come undone. There are no perfect people, families, marriages, etc. The human heart is corrupt and that corruption stretches into every nook and cranny of the creation; but the chapter titled "Redemption" offers great hope as we know that through Jesus Christ, God is active in the process of restoring all things to what they once were. We always should be asking ourselves, "What does the Bible say in response to the negative realities that exist?"

Second, we must aggressively engage in preventive ministry in relation to the family. Once we know what our kids are learning about the plethora of issues related to marriage and family, we must do all we can to spare them the heartache of pursuing a wrong path. Instead, we must lay out the best way. Because many never have heard about the best way, we must teach them the skills necessary to live their lives in that direction. For example, think about how children of divorce learn to handle conflict. The conflict they witnessed as children resulted in the breakdown of their family. They grow up swearing they never will let the same thing happen in their own marriages, but when they enter marriage themselves with another imperfect and sinful human being, conflict inevitably will come. Without any knowledge about how to handle conflict, they often will watch their marriage decline, sometimes to the point of divorce. When we enter a preventive ministry mode with children of divorce, we will teach them 1) no spouse is perfect; 2) no marriage is perfect; 3) conflict is inevitable; 4) conflict doesn't mean failure; and 5) there are healthy, God-glorifying ways to manage and resolve conflict. Then, we must take the time to teach and model those skills that will equip them to handle conflict so we might prevent them from destroying their marriages. Preventive youth ministry is necessary if we are going to see a reversal of the negative family trends. We always should be asking ourselves, "What must I do to prevent kids from embracing the negative realities that exist, while encouraging them to embrace God's order and design for the family?"

Third, we must aggressively engage in redemptive ministry in relation to the family. No doubt, your community, church and youth group already are populated by people living in family brokenness. You have children of divorce, the fatherless, the unmarried teen mother and countless others in your midst. If you don't, you most likely don't know what's really going on in people's lives, or your church culture has driven them all away. The goal of redemptive ministry is to see forgiveness, wholeness and restoration through the saving grace of Jesus Christ blast through broken lives. Our youth ministries sometimes will require us to provide triage, hospitalization and rehab for the casualties of family breakdown. We must be poised and ready to refer people to the expert help and assistance they need, to rally the troops to show mercy and love, and to equip those who have made horrible choices to repent of the error of their ways and then move forward. We always should be asking ourselves, "What must I do to minister in a Christ-like fashion to those whose lives have been harmed by embracing or being victimized by the negative realities that exist?"

Some time ago, after being away with a group of kids on an exciting senior high retreat, I noticed that every kid on the bus was asleep--except for Meg. She was staring out the window. The tears running down her cheeks told me she was thinking about more than the passing scenery. I thought she might be disappointed that the weekend had come to an end. "Sure, I'm sad the weekend is over," she said, "but that's not what I'm crying about. My Dad hasn't talked to me or my Mom in weeks. He just sits in his chair and watches TV. My Mom's an emotional basket case. Sometimes I feel like I'm her mother. And my brother--he yells at all of us. I don't want to go back home." Meg's home had become a war zone.

Meg's sad story is only one example of how the changing face of the family is taking its toll on kids. The result is a hunger for genuine and meaningful relationships so pervasive among teenagers and young adults today that relational deprivation is one of the marks of today's emerging generations. Our children and teens were created to be in relationship. Humanly speaking, the primary relationship for which they were made is one with Dad and Mom. Today's teenagers desire real relationships that are characterized by depth, vulnerability, openness, listening and love--connectedness in their disconnected, confusing and alienated world. As you evaluate how you're doing youth ministry in this frightening new world, ask yourself what you're doing to redefine the institution of the family that's not the way it's supposed to be, in ways that it was meant to be. You'll not only be ministering to the kids in your group but investing in the generations yet to come.