Sometimes the Back Row Club makes me want to give up this whole ministry thing and do something less messy—like being a plumber.

You know the Back Row Club: the crew that comes late and leaves early, doesn't laugh at your jokes but cracks up when they make one. I think my all-time favorite student-who'd-rather-be-anywhere-else-than-youth-group was the guy who showed up about an hour late one night with a large, steaming Domino's pepperoni pizza and a 20-ounce Coke.

He walked into our relatively small group gathered that night, pulled up a folding chair, and began eating the entire pizza, with brief stops to guzzle his Coke. He then left early, speaking to no one. Thanks for squeezing us into your schedule, buddy. And no, we weren't hungry, so no need to share.

What do we do? Are we happy they're at least giving it a try, or is their reluctance causing them to resent the church and bring others down?

Certainly there are plenty of stories that would suggest parents who force their kids to attend youth group are grateful later that they did. One such story is Cassie Bernall, one of the victims of the Columbine shootings, made famous because "she said yes." Her faith was drifting, she started hanging with a bad crowd, and her parents intervened, requiring her to attend a church youth retreat. They feared their insistence could have pushed her away, but she came around, devoted her life to Christ and famously died as a martyr, unashamedly professing her faith in God in the face of her murderers.

A less dramatic story happened in our ministry with a student named Colin. My first year as youth pastor was his freshman year, and he didn't know what to make of me or the ministry. His parents made a rule: He had to attend youth group once a month for the first year, no questions asked. He grudgingly agreed (it wasn't like he had a choice), but over time he began looking forward to his monthly visit. Eventually he asked to go on the Sundays in between. Colin attended mission trips with our group every summer, is now a junior in college and is still a committed Christian.

For every Colin, there's also a Billy. Billy attended our group exactly one-half time. I say one-half because halfway through his only visit, he called his dad and explained with horror that "All they're doing is singing up there. Come get me!" His dad did come get him, and he never returned.

Parents want to know what to do with their children who don't naturally gravitate toward ministry, so what do we tell them?

Give It a Shot

Encourage parents to make their kids at least try it. As a teenager, the biggest draw to any event will be the other people there. If a student doesn't have good friends who also are excited about attending, chances are she won't want to be there. This means the student either has to sweat it out alone or is forced to make new friends, which can be excruciatingly difficult, especially for a shy student.