If someone knows a simple definition of family-based youth ministry, please send it right away. I've read (and enjoyed) most of the books written on the subject. In fact, I can still remember reading Mark DeVries' book Family-Based Youth Ministry the very week it was published. I said then and maintain today that this book presents one of the most important new paradigms for youth ministry in decades. However, I'm still looking for that simple definition and practical handle on family-based youth ministry.

Ray Whitson, a youth worker in Batavia, Ill., probably doesn't know it, but he's doing family-based youth ministry. Last month he received a horrible phone call; one of his students had killed himself. Ray immediately went to the distraught mother, father and two teenage brothers. That very night the family was robbed; and the father, an elder in the church, was shot four times. As I'm writing this, he's in critical condition. The two boys are living with Ray and his family, while the mother helps nurse their father back to health.

Thank God this type of situation is not a normal daily occurrence for most of us. However, most days in youth ministry, we're trying to help families succeed—whether we know it or not. Perhaps we've not been able to get a handle on family-based youth ministry because we're more involved in it than we realized.

Family Involvement

Several years ago, I conducted a poll of key youth workers around America and Canada and asked them, "What are you doing to help families succeed?" The answers were almost all identical. "I know working with families and parents is very important, and it's my top goal for next year." Most youth workers I know are still trying to get their hands and minds around this important but illusive part of youth ministry. We know families are vital to the spiritual growth and well being of our students, but we don't have enough time in our already over-committed schedules to add ministry to families and parents to what we already do for our teens.

Although I'm still looking for that simple and definite answer, a defining moment for me came at the Western Wailing Wall in Jerusalem as I stood with my family and a few friends. We were watching as several Bar Mitzvah celebrations took place. The young men were surrounded by family members who cheered as each teen read and quoted from memory the words of the Torah. It was an incredibly moving experience. These fathers and mothers, aunts and uncles, grandparents, siblings and friends were all taking an active role in these young men's spiritual lives.

It reminded me of when our Jewish neighbors invited my family and me to their daughter's Bat Mitzvah ceremony and celebration. It was such an intensely intimate family affair and a major rite of passage for this young woman.

The Shema

To be honest, I'm a bit jealous that the Jewish faith has such important, communal ceremonies while we Christians do so little with this special rite of passage. I remember an obscure lesson from way back in my seminary days. My professor explained what he called in Hebrew, the Shema. He told us that the Shema, found in Deuteronomy 6:4-9, was the most quoted verse in the entire Bible.