1. Lack of Presence. Almost everyone said that being a friend—being "with" teens—has become more difficult as they've aged. "I'm not as interested in hanging out with kids as I used to be," says Craig, a 10-year vet. "I'd rather invest my life in a few teens and adults. I desire more to train these days. With a family of my own, going out to a movie with teens is getting harder to pull off."

2. Lack of Relevance. Cheryl says, "It's harder to stay in touch with kids and their music than it used to be; and when I have to work hard at keeping in step with their world, the kids think it's humorous that I'm trying so hard!" Anthony, only 32, adds: "My students perceive me as old and outdated!"

The Good (Leaders with Seven Cs)

According to those who know, the good stuff seems to fit seven leadership areas: Character, care, conflict resolution, change, creativity, credibility and commitment.

1. Character. Coach John Wooden—who led the UCLA Bruins to 10 national titles in 12 years—constantly preached character to his players. "Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation," he once said. "Your character is what you really are while your reputation is merely what others think you are."

Jill, a youth worker in her mid-30s, says, "I never really understood as a 20-year-old working with Young Life that students watched every move I made. I just didn't get the fact that I made impressions on people, whether I liked it or not."

2. Care. "I'm not sure I cared about anybody but myself when I was just starting out," says Justin, "but as I grow and mature in Christ, I'm able to really listen and care authentically." Eric says, "I needed so much affirmation and encouragement as a rookie youth worker that I didn't know how to reach out without looking for immediate rewards and benefits. It was just hard to know how to care sometimes."

3. Conflict Resolution. No one enjoys conflict and the process of resolving it. Nehemiah faced attacks while trying to do God's will. Paul was criticized continually. Youth workers feel the fire from many fronts, as well—but older youth workers weather these storms better. "I think I handle this area better each year I get older," says Jeff. "Once I was accused by a parent of being a poor administrator, and another parent said I was bad relationally! So then I am thinking, 'Who's right here?"

Cheryl says, "I've learned with the aging process that I don't always have to react and say what I feel when attacked."

4. Change. Getting older in youth ministry involves noticing change—how students change, how the church changes and maybe most importantly how you change. "I realize that change takes time," says Ben. "The process can be really slow. Church boards get political. I didn't learn in seminary how incredibly mean people in the church can be when it comes to money, staffing or resources. I've had to learn patiently that the process is just as important as the final product."