The best scenario occurs when a student wants to meet with you to talk about personal issues. In that case, you can establish some ground rules from the outset. For instance, we can tell the student what he or she can expect from us, namely that we won't break confidentiality unless we feel he or she is going to harm him or herself or someone else. One counselor I spoke to promises there'll be no surprises. Specifically, he won't report anything to the parents without first letting the student know and will only do so if he feels it's absolutely necessary. This way, the student knows what to expect. For your own protection (and to help you keep track of any counseling sessions with kids) it's also a good idea to keep password-protected counseling notes.

Other Adult Involvement

We're only one part of the solution to helping students; their parents or guardians must be another key part. We continually should be looking for ways to encourage students to open up and share what's happening with them, even if it's at a superficial level. You may want to set up a meeting with the parents, not to squeal but to ask questions about what's going on at home. The student's school counselor is another resource you should consider using.

When advising adult volunteers about handling difficult situations, empower them to handle as much as possible themselves, but make sure they keep you informed. They'll likely need your help, and you can offer further resources such as counselors or church leaders who can provide wisdom, as well. If at any point you or they feel they're in over their heads, don't be afraid to step in. If a situation is serious, you should keep your own immediate supervisor in the loop.

The Code of Silence

Recently, a student in our youth ministry was dealing with severe depression and making some extremely unhealthy choices. Several of his close friends in the ministry knew about it, yet their unspoken code of silence kept them from telling anyone about it until he finally attempted suicide. Thankfully, he survived and is receiving professional attention now; but it could've been utterly tragic. None of his friends were willing to step forward, because no one wanted to be the rat.

In light of situations like this, we all need to teach our students about the importance of taking action when their friends are heading down unhealthy paths. We should teach them that true friends are willing to confront loved ones who they know are hurting themselves. Students are often too immature to recognize when confrontation is necessary, or they're so concerned with their reputation that the fear of being a rat or a narc (yes, high schoolers still use that word) will keep them quiet. So we must teach our students that their fear of God must outweigh their fear of man, and we must create a culture that values loving student-to-student confrontation. Finally, if that isn't effective, students should be encouraged to bring an adult into the loop.