For reasons too many to name, I chose to make a statement as a rebellious 13-year-old that this rite of passage was stupid. Besides, I never planned to come back to Temple as an adult. I said to myself, "So what? I'll get some praise and a couple of presents." I observed my friends going full steam ahead, embracing the long hours of memorizing the Hebrew portion of Exodus or Leviticus and complaining all the way. I was fully aware that this ceremony, for some, also would be their exit, not entrance, into the synagogue.

Religious Rites

Around the time of Jesus' birth, Jewish males were reading and memorizing the Torah at an early age. At 10, Jewish males were learning the Mishnah; at 13, they were bound to the commandments; at 15, they studied the Talmud. It was an honor to study Torah and teach it. Becoming a rabbi was one of the greatest privileges, callings, and honors to receive.

Luke 2:42-52 records Jesus going to Jerusalem with His parents. Every adult male living within 15 miles of Jerusalem was expected to attend the Passover festival. A Jewish boy became a man at 12 years old, so you can imagine the excitement Jesus must have been feeling while journeying to Jerusalem. This was certainly a rite of passage for Him, or at least a taste of great things to come. When the Passover had ended, Mary and Joseph headed home, each thinking Jesus was with the other parent as they traveled separately in caravans.

When Mary and Joseph realized He wasn't with them, they returned to Jerusalem and found Jesus where one would expect a 12 year old male of His day to be—in the temple. What was Jesus doing? Sitting "among the teachers [rabbis], listening to them and asking questions." What were the rabbis thinking? They were "all quite taken with Him, impressed with the sharpness of his answers."

At 13, a Jewish boy became a bar mitzvah, "son of the law," in which he entered into full adulthood. After I became a follower of Jesus, I was struck by the lack of rites of passages, traditions and rituals in the church I attended. It dawned on me that there was a lack of symbols for me to connect with as a young believer. As a youth pastor, I observed that church was one of the last places a 12-year-old male wanted to be!

Rather than constructing markers and models for teens to enter the life of the body, we are stuck, lost in the maze and bumbling around trying to prevent a mass adolescent exit from the church. What seems to be missing is a rite of passage for teens, especially boys.

Why Boys?

It's not that we're leaving girls out. More girls seem to be naturally attracted to youth group and church than boys. Boys don't even seem to like church. William Pollack from Harvard says in his bestseller Real Boys that boys today are in deep trouble and have a "hidden yearning for relationship." Youth ministries need to find creative and innovative ways to reach boys. Adults (parents included) and adolescent boys are separated by a huge gulf, relationally speaking. There's an intergenerational disconnection between adults and teen boys.