Build Relationships

So, how does an adult who cares about teenagers take advantage of this relational aspect to significant conversations? For starters, if you sit down with a student and it's the first time you start thinking about having a significant conversation with him or her, then its already too late. Relational communication takes foresight and planning on your part. The first step happens when you begin to focus intentionally on building a relationship with the student. This is not a form of manipulation used to get the student to talk to you: If you are not genuinely concerned about the student's life, then he or she will know and not talk to you anyway. You cannot be fake with a student!

Actually, if you are involved with youth ministry in any fashion, the desire to build a relationship with teenagers will come naturally. The first step is to take an interest in the students' lives: Learn about hobbies, family structures, interests and in which areas they are gifted. You cannot have ongoing relationships if you do not know about their lives, and you will struggle to carry on a conversation if all you can ask is, "How was school this week?" Asking questions about specific aspects of students' lives is important, but do not be afraid to stop and listen to what is on their hearts.

The Relational Key

Being given the opportunity to have significant conversations with students does not involve a mysterious formula or collection of the right buzz words. The biggest and strongest key simply is caring enough about a student to have a relationship with him or her, not a relationship based on what the student can do for you or the ministry you are involved with, but a relationship based on one adult showing God's love to the students under your care. If you have that strong relationship and listen to a student, then every once in a while you will find yourself on the listening end of a significant conversation, a conversation that just might change the future of one special teenager.

It does not matter if you are a full-time youth worker, part-time youth worker, a volunteer, a bus driver or an "extra" adult. If you have a relationship with a student, then he or she will talk and share with you willingly. Most students do not talk to an adult based on the titles or job descriptions; they talk to an adult based on the relationship that exists between them. Knowing this truth and not utilizing it will lead to dozens (hundreds?) of missed opportunities to speak into a teenager's life.