Tim was an average fifth-grade student. He had a hard time paying attention, was tired of his church’s Sunday School program and was looking forward to middle school and something new.

When sixth grade arrived, he eagerly showed up for his church’s middle-school ministry program, but felt overwhelmed. None of the leaders knew his name. The church staff seemed fun, but they kept encouraging him to sign up for a small group on Wednesday nights. Tim had basketball on Wednesdays so he couldn’t go. Plus, he had lost the sign-up card three times already.

He went to church for the first semester, then became more sporadic. Finally, he convinced his mom to let him stop going. He told her church was “boring.” His connection to church and caring adults who could help him embrace Jesus while navigating adolescence became distant.

Is Tim’s situation the result of a mistake youth ministries make? Can stories such as Tim’s be avoided? As youth workers, our mistakes can impact kids negatively, so how can we minimize them? I decided to poll veteran youth workers from across the country to hear what they perceive are the biggest mistakes and how to avoid them.

Mistake #1:

Make Kids Pursue You

Tim’s story is not uncommon. It is also the result of a typical mistake many youth ministries make unknowingly.

“Some ministries have sixth graders sign up to be in small groups,” said one youth worker. “Essentially they are allowing an 11-year-old to make the call of whether the church’s adults will pursue them. That’s tragic.”

An interesting church comparison surfaced in my study. One church studied is losing around 50 percent of its kids between fifth and sixth grade while another church nearly triples the number of participating kids within those same grades. The churches are the same size. Both have great leadership, similar philosophies and are even in the same denomination. The only noticeable difference is the church that’s losing 50 percent of its students also is requiring them to sign up for groups rather than pursuing them regardless of their activity level.

The bottom line: Never make kids, especially middle schoolers, sign up to get an adult to pursue a ministry relationship with them. Build connections between adults and kids into all ministry activities. This may seem like a mere programmatic tweak, but there is an important theological issue at stake here. God pursues us regardless of whether or not we “sign up.” Unfortunately, many ministries fail to pursue their kids.

Mistake #2:

Rely on Programming

Almost everyone talks about the dangers of being over-programmed, and nearly everyone confesses to this still being a problem in ministry; but the problem remains.

“We tend to think every waking hour of each and every camper’s day must be crammed full of blobs, zip lines, parties and food,” said the owner and director of a large camp in Colorado. “The feedback we constantly get, particularly from our teens, is that they crave hang-out time with each other and their counselors. Their schedules at home are crammed with all sorts of stuff, and they want to hang out with people who really care about them and will listen.”