Matt: When we notice mood changes, behavior changes and especially if someone is talking about hurting themselves, we have to take these things seriously. We need to be willing to ask questions and investigate.

Heather: We need to pay close attention to the students who are “pretending to be OK.” These students tend to be closed off in the conversation and for the most part withdrawn from the discussion. After Columbine, the students who were honest about what they were feeling were able to heal and move on more quickly than the students who simply pretended things were fine.

Beth: Unfortunately, many times that insight comes in hindsight. Like the tragedy at Virginia Tech, in talking about Cho, people would say things like, “Oh we missed that sign,” or, “We should have noticed that.” We should be watching for alienation on the part of a student.

YWJ: What about the adults who work with kids in horrible situations? How can we prevent ourselves from becoming so emotionally or physically spent that we have our own crises?

Matt: First thing is don’t take responsibility for someone else’s action. Whatever a student has chosen to do, they have made that choice; not you. Surround yourself with good friends—people who encourage you and make you laugh. Spend time with God. Finally, find some things you enjoy doing and do them.

Beth: I think anyone who is in a caregiving situation always should be looking for a healthy balance. Sometimes we just have to say to ourselves, “You know, I’ve done what I can do, and I have to give these young people over to God and trust that He is going to take care of them.”

Allen: Our own physical fitness is very important. Don’t ever underestimate the power of endorphins. There are multiple studies documenting the fact that the stress level of ministry is on the same level as neurosurgery. We may have all the mental resources to deal with crises, but if we don’t have the physical resources, we don’t even realize there is a stress time-bomb ticking inside us.

YWJ: Is there anything else we need to know about working through crises?

Heather: One of the biggest things for me was when I finally realized it could be a long time before I saw the fruit of my labor among these students. Often we are looking for immediate feedback from our efforts. We need to be patient and trust that God is working in the lives of our students—even when we can’t see anything right now.

Beth: We need to remind ourselves part of our responsibility is to bring people to the truth. Often when we are dealing with crises, our emotions get so involved, suddenly everything seems so extreme. We need to bring the person back gently and slowly to the centering ground of God’s Word and who He is.

Allen: As youth workers, we have to be willing to intervene in crises. Our culture doesn’t want to be involved. One reason youth ministers ignore warning signs is because they know intervention can be risky. We know intervening in a crisis could cost us our relationship with our students, but we have to be willing to take the risk.

Matt: One of the most encouraging things when I was in my depression was when someone said, “Look, you didn’t get into this situation over night, so you’re not getting out over night either.” He was the first person in four years who admitted this thing was going to take time to heal. That was much more beneficial to me than all the quick-fix, easy solutions so many other well-intentioned people had suggested to me.