Caitlyn is a seventh grader in my youth ministry. Every Sunday, you can find her at our youth worship service, eager to learn and grow in her faith. And every Wednesday, you can find her faithfully attending a different youth worship service at another church.

I felt betrayed when I learned this. I began to wonder, what did I do wrong? What’s our ministry lacking that Caitlyn had to go in search of elsewhere? What could I do to get her back?

Then I realized I was feeling much like a parent caught in a nasty divorce who’s just been awarded visitation rights rather than the sole custody of Caitlyn’s spiritual life that I “rightfully” deserved.

That’s when it occurred to me: I don’t rightfully deserve anything when it comes to Caitlyn or her spiritual life.

Instead, God has graced our ministry with her presence and given me the responsibility to care for and nurture her. That call isn’t dependent on whether I’m the only person—or one of many—God has entrusted with this job.

Praying for the ‘Other Church’

Having recognized this, I’ve begun to approach my ministry to Caitlyn as though I’m a parent diligently working for the best interest of my child where custody is shared jointly between my church and this “other church.”

I have had to realize God is not limited to using me and the other leaders at my church to work in Caitlyn’s life. Instead, He may also choose to use people from other churches and places to work in her life, as well. For this, I should be grateful, not resentful.

Similarly, I cannot be possessive of Caitlyn’s spiritual growth. Rather, I must be willing to acknowledge this “other church” exists, by laying aside my own pride and asking Caitlyn questions about this youth group to help her process her experiences there.

I hope its youth group welcomes, accepts and loves her.

I also hope it doesn’t view Caitlyn as “fresh meat” to steal for its own youth program. I hope instead it will recognize she has a home church that also has an important role in her life.

I also pray this other group, and we, never fall into the comparison game and force Caitlyn to choose between us. Just like in a bitter custody battle, when that happens, everybody loses—especially Caitlyn.

In an ideal world, I also hope one day the youth pastor of this “other church” would have the courage to reach out to me, or I to him, and together we could establish a new friendship based on our mutual desire to see Caitlyn grow in her walk with Christ.

Juggling Visitation Rights

My newfound awareness of Caitlyn’s situation also has caused me to explore how best to minister to kids from other churches who attend my youth ministry.

Take Joanna, whose family regularly attends a nearby church. Unlike Caitlyn’s situation, Joanna’s home church retains “sole custody” while our youth ministry is limited to yearly summer visitations when Joanna joins us for our mission trip.