6. Guys need to know how to work. Guys are raised in a culture that defines their value by their contribution. While we want to bust this ideology, we still want guys to learn how to work hard as an act of devotion toward and worship of Christ. Hard work builds responsibility. It helps a guy develop the disciplines he needs to do life fully. It generates in him a deep sense of purpose that ultimately plugs into the Kingdom purpose of bringing glory to God, as he will hopefully learn a little bit later in life.

7. Guys need to lead and to follow. Leadership doesn’t come naturally for everyone; but young men should learn to both lead and follow because at some point, guys will serve as an example to others — whether it’s to their children or to others in their own peer group. The United States, among many other

nations, has been confronted with a crisis in leadership, especially in the church. At the same time, Jesus demonstrates and demands that all men — and women — follow. Guys must take the responsibility of leadership, but they must also learn that a strong man is not a power monger but a servant.

8. Guys need to play. I know a family with five boys who were all involved in different sports: soccer, basketball, baseball, track, and tennis. Life was one practice after another for this family. So you’d think that by the end of the day, these guys would’ve had enough play! But at home they constantly challenged each other: who could spit the farthest; who could eat dinner the fastest; who could win back Mom’s affection after they’d just made her angry, and so on. Many theorists say this need for play springs from an innate need for the hunt, for competition, or for adventure. And while guys learn to release their  aggression in a healthy way during play, they also learn depth of character by playing fair, learning teamwork, and prioritizing important human values, such as “Winning isn’t everything.”

9. Guys need the freedom to BE. Guys grow up having great expectations imposed upon them. They live in the shadow of a looming cultural press that squeezes them into its mold of masculinity. Guys often internally question their identity or whether they’re normal or manly. They need men in their lives who

will model the freedom of being.

10. Guys need to be loved. Often guys learn to confuse love with sex. They grow up with a love deficit and attempt to fulfill their needs for affection with sexual behaviors. Men who demonstrate Christ’s love to teenage guys break that sexual connection guys tend to form between being and needing love. It also models that love is a powerful force with which to be reckoned because it comes from a masculine, non-sexual source.

Jesus said people would know His disciples by their love for each other. Guys need to be loved as a means of fulfilling their deepest emotions and understanding that they’re valuable. But guys also need to be loved because it models what a man should be and do.

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Excerpted from Teenage Guys (Zondervan, 2006).

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STEVE GERALI is director of the Youth Ministry Undergraduate Degree Program at Azusa Pacific University in Southern California. In addition to over 25 years of youth ministry experience, Dr. Gerali is a clinical counselor, author, speaker, and educator.