Release Date:  May 9, 2008

With a threadbare plot straight out of a sitcom (remember when Ross and Rachel nearly drank their weight in alcohol and drunkenly tied the knot in Friends?), What Happens in Vegas is not only the worst commercial for Sin City I’ve seen in a while, but the comedy is so insipid and low-brow you would’ve thought the script was penned by a junior-high boy.

Well, unless someone thinks it’s funny when Jack (Ashton Kutcher) defiantly pees in the sink when Joy (Cameron Diaz) takes too long getting ready in the morning. Or wait, maybe those belly laughs should come fast and furious when Jack gropes himself and then places his hands in the popcorn Joy’s snacking on. Or wait, maybe it’s when Joy starts pelting fruit at Jack so he’ll trip and fall on the way to their marriage counseling session. Yeah, now that’s funny!

Before any of these supposedly rip-roaring shenanigans take place, however, the film’s worst flaw is a story that doesn’t add up from the outset. First off, we’re supposed to believe that Cameron Diaz (yes, blonde, leggy Cameron Diaz of There’s Something About Mary fame) is an uptight Wall Street girl who wants nothing more than to get married to Mason (Jason Sudeikis) a troll-ish guy with the collective appeal of a watering can. And then we’re supposed to take another leap of faith and think that Mason would actually dump her for being too much of a “planner,” which coincidentally takes place as she’s in the middle of throwing him a surprise birthday party. So what’s a just-dumped girl to do?

While most girls would rent their favorite chick flick and seek solace with Ben and Jerry, Joy heads to Vegas, gets drunk and marries Jack, a slacker, commitment-phobe whose own dad just gave him the heave-ho from working in the family business. Of course, this coupling would’ve never happened if they’d both been sober, but they’re willing to face the music and procure a hasty annulment once the hormones have worn off the next morning. Or wait, maybe not. When Jack uses Joy’s quarter in a nearby slot machine, a gamble that’s worth a quick $3 million, all bets are off.

After all, Joy’s not about to let Jack cut and run (although you’re half wishing she would so the movie could be over already) now that she’s entitled to half. When they appear before the cranky judge (Dennis Miller), back in New York, though, he’s not about to let these two selfish people simply divide the money and move on. Nooo, that would be too easy. Instead, he sentences them to six months of hard marriage, complete with counseling sessions with Dr. Twitchell (Queen Latifah).