Youth ministries have a great opportunity to offer guidance to kids living in homes with chronic conflict.
Research shows that while kids actually feel more secure when they have role models for resolving conflict well, chronic conflict can be worse than divorce in terms of harmful impact on kids. Furthermore, instead of adjusting to conflict, teenagers become more reactive as the conflict continues.
Psychological researchers have identified five factors of parental conflict that increase its negative impact on kids:
Frequency: How often do parents fight? Is it every now and then, every week, or several times each day?
Intensity: When they fight, how heavy does it get? Do they talk loudly or scream? Do they fight for a few minutes or for hours at a time? Do their fights stay focused on issues, or do they involve harsh personal attacks?
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Physicality: How often and to what extent do fights get physical, involving abuse, throwing objects, or self-harm?
Child-Focused: To what extent is parental conflict centered around the kids themselves? How much of the conflict about the kids happens in front of them?
Unresolved: (This one's a biggie.) When the child doesn't see the resolution of a fight, even if it is resolved later by the adults in private, it remains unresolved in the chil's mind and increases his or her anxiety.
Youth ministries can assist students in these situations by acknowledging real world scenarios and engaging students in activities that help them find healthy ways of coping and resolving conflict.
Discussion StartersHave you hosted any youth ministry activities focusing on conflict resolution or coping with pain? What have you found to be effective?
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