Witnessing Traumatic Pain

In a traumatic event like a car accident, the primary casualty is the person in the vehicle. As people approach the accident to help, they might see blood or hear screams of pain. These witnesses are secondary casualties, and they may experience something called secondary traumatic stress, which is the stress we feel when we witness someone else in pain. Left unmanaged, this kind of stress will impact our quality of life negatively. Secondary traumatic stress is also referred to as vicarious trauma – trauma experienced through a primary casualty. People who work in disaster relief, health care, or as therapists understand vicarious trauma can pose a significant health risk if ignored, but seldom do we think of its impact for those engaged in discipleship. As we’ve already seen, discipleship involves being open to the possibility of encountering the traumatic pain of others. Being invited into the sacred space of a person’s trauma is an honor earned through empathy and trust, but sitting in the pain with a disciple can alter our attitudes and habits, the way we see ourselves, our world, and our God. 

Advertisement

Trauma Effects Our Attitudes and Habits

As I sat and spoke with Amy, her pain-filled story tumbled out. She was involved in a ministry that discipled children and young teens in the inner city. In six years she had heard it all. It seemed that children always were confiding in her, recounting stories of violence, substance abuse, prostitution, and sexual assault. Amy often came home feeling numb and unable to speak to God. Many nights she would cry herself to sleep having dreams of rescuing children, helping them escape danger. Amy was the kind of disciple-maker every ministry would love to have, but she had a crushed spirit. Although she loved being with people, she no longer answered the phone, fearing someone might require her care. She seldom prayed, although for many years her relationship with God had been wonderfully intimate. She didn’t sleep well, and she had difficulty trusting men, even though her own experience with men never had involved violation. Amy was not engaged in disaster relief that required wallowing in human wreckage after a bombing or tsunami; she was the lady who made crafts with kids in a children’s ministry. Through empathic engagement with kids, this extraordinary disciple-maker’s attitudes and habits had been radically altered. She always had been strong, a tomboy of sorts, but now she was afraid to be alone. She had become a secondary casualty, a victim of vicarious trauma, but she had no idea what was wrong with her. For her, three things were true: She loved the kids in her ministry; she couldn’t control her emotions; and God had disappeared.   

Typically, vicarious trauma manifests in strong emotions such as rage, grief, and outrage leading to an increase in cynicism.  It’s also common for people experiencing vicarious trauma to create relational distance from those in the discipling relationship and even from family and friends.  Ironically, the very work of caring in discipleship results in an increased inability to respond empathically to the needs of the disciple. Other symptoms include increased fatigue, sadness and/or depression, developing a new set of fears, an increased sensitivity to suffering, and an increased desire for comfort, often obtained through secret sins, resulting in guilt and increased cynicism. Perhaps the greatest damage for the disciple-maker is the impact of vicarious trauma on hope.