Tim was an average fifth-grade student. He had a hard time paying attention, was tired of his church’s Sunday School program and was looking forward to middle school and something new.

When sixth grade arrived, he eagerly showed up for his church’s middle-school ministry program, but felt overwhelmed. None of the leaders knew his name. The church staff seemed fun, but they kept encouraging him to sign up for a small group on Wednesday nights. Tim had basketball on Wednesdays so he couldn’t go. Plus, he had lost the sign-up card three times already.

He went to church for the first semester, then became more sporadic. Finally, he convinced his mom to let him stop going. He told her church was “boring.” His connection to church and caring adults who could help him embrace Jesus while navigating adolescence became distant.

Is Tim’s situation the result of a mistake youth ministries make? Can stories such as Tim’s be avoided? As youth workers, our mistakes can impact kids negatively, so how can we minimize them? I decided to poll veteran youth workers from across the country to hear what they perceive are the biggest mistakes and how to avoid them.

Mistake #1:
Make Kids Pursue You
Tim’s story is not uncommon. It is also the result of a typical mistake many youth ministries make unknowingly.

“Some ministries have sixth graders sign up to be in small groups,” said one youth worker. “Essentially they are allowing an 11-year-old to make the call of whether the church’s adults will pursue them. That’s tragic.”

An interesting church comparison surfaced in my study. One church studied is losing around 50 percent of its kids between fifth and sixth grade while another church nearly triples the number of participating kids within those same grades. The churches are the same size. Both have great leadership, similar philosophies and are even in the same denomination. The only noticeable difference is the church that’s losing 50 percent of its students also is requiring them to sign up for groups rather than pursuing them regardless of their activity level.

The bottom line: Never make kids, especially middle schoolers, sign up to get an adult to pursue a ministry relationship with them. Build connections between adults and kids into all ministry activities. This may seem like a mere programmatic tweak, but there is an important theological issue at stake here. God pursues us regardless of whether or not we “sign up.” Unfortunately, many ministries fail to pursue their kids.

Mistake #2:
Rely on Programming
Almost everyone talks about the dangers of being over-programmed, and nearly everyone confesses to this still being a problem in ministry; but the problem remains.

“We tend to think every waking hour of each and every camper’s day must be crammed full of blobs, zip lines, parties and food,” said the owner and director of a large camp in Colorado. “The feedback we constantly get, particularly from our teens, is that they crave hang-out time with each other and their counselors. Their schedules at home are crammed with all sorts of stuff, and they want to hang out with people who really care about them and will listen.”

The signs of an over-programmed ministry are obvious. The calendar is filled with lots of events. Ministry leaders are too busy during meetings running the PowerPoint, lights, sound and extras to be engaged with the kids. The ministry has a small, core set of committed kids who attend everything, because staff and volunteers are focused on arranging the next event without pursuing kids beyond the committed core.

As an experiment, ask some trusted youth workers from outside your ministry to evaluate your calendar or attend some events to give feedback. Are you over-programmed without realizing it?

Mistake #3:
Ignore Volunteers
Almost everyone gets into youth ministry because they are good at working with kids. Very few youth workers ever make a successful leap to being equally as good at equipping others to care for kids.

Young Life recently conducted a study to find out what makes healthy areas flourish while others struggle. They considered several factors, such as number of schools in which the ministry had a presence, number of paid staff members, demographics, etc. Across the board, the clear indicator of health was a great volunteer/staff ratio. Healthy areas showed 20-plus volunteers per paid staff person and actually had fewer paid staff than less healthy areas.

The Young Life study shows that switching focus to empowering others in ministry helps reach a larger number of kids. While most youth workers might agree with this in theory, very few actively train and equip volunteers effectively.

“We don’t really train our volunteers,” said one youth worker. “We’ve made the mistake of thinking they don’t have time to do it or don’t want to be trained.”

Almost every volunteer I’ve talked to reports wanting to be trained, but never having received training of any kind from ministry leadership.

Mistake #4:
Don’t Take Parents Seriously
Many of our veteran youth workers said issues with parents or their lack of skill in working with them has been a mistake-ridden area.

“When I was just starting out, my own fear of parents led me to try to avoid them,” said one youth worker. “That probably has caused me more heartache than anything else.”

Despite the increased conversation in recent years about the importance of parents in youth ministry, many youth workers still try to avoid working with parents.

Veteran youth workers advise: Get uncomfortable. Spend time with parents and answer their hard questions, even if it makes you squirm. Spend at least an hour on the phone each week calling parents to ask how their families are doing, or meet them for coffee. Many youth workers say they did not start caring about parents until they had their own kids and wish they had started caring for the whole family earlier in their ministry.

Mistake #5:
Forget About Your Own Spiritual Life
At a recent staff meeting at Menlo Park Presbyterian Church, pastor John Ortberg stopped to thank staff members for their work during the past year. We all have heard leaders thank staff for their efforts, but there was a surprise that day in John’s encouragement to us.

“Thanks for the work you’ve done this year in getting to know Jesus Christ more,” he said. “All the effort you’ve spent pursuing God for yourself often goes unnoticed and unmentioned—thanks.”

Interesting… No one has ever thanked me for that before.

Youth ministry often is guilty of defining success based on the last camp, event or time spent with kids. Ortberg’s refreshing words remind us some of the most valuable work we do will be on our knees or with a Bible in our hands.

Almost all veteran youth workers agree: Slow down and seek Christ, or risk burning out.