I hope, just as a divorced dad welcomes his kids home for the summer, we also would do the same—embracing Joanna for whatever limited time we have her in our midst, affirming her home church, and continuing to love and pray for her after she returns home each year.

Yet, the reality is because we only have visitation rights, we face unique problems in ministering to Joanna. For example, like a parent facing the issue of contrasting parenting styles, we have to acknowledge the existence of differences in theologies and styles of teaching and worship.

I’ve tried to help Joanna see value in various teaching and worship styles, and to understand styles aren’t right or wrong. Instead, they give people the opportunity to connect with and learn about God in different ways. I want to give Joanna a safe place in which to ask questions about these differences and wrestle with them.

With regard to differing theologies, never do I intentionally contradict something Joanna’s pastor has taught her. Yet inadvertently it happens. When it does, what matters is not what I say or what the other guy says. What matters is what Joanna believes. Knowing this, my goal is for Joanna to formulate and take ownership of her beliefs.

To help her do this, I ask Joanna questions designed to help her think through the issue for herself. I also encourage her to continue wrestling with the issue by returning to Scripture and by seeking counsel from others she respects.

In the Best Interest of Your Kids

Kids who attend one church but belong to another are a reality many of us will encounter in our ministry to students. How can you work for the best interest of your students when you become caught in a custody battle over their spirituality?

First, lay aside your own feelings of rejection and inadequacy, and instead recognize and thank God for all the people He uses in your student’s faith journeys.

As Brian Suter, pastor of student ministry at Westwood Community Church in Excelsior, Minn., says, “If students are experiencing and growing in Christ in another community, who am I to say anything or feel anything negative about it?”

Next, stop competing with the “other church.” Don’t compare yourself to it or try to become like it in order to retain your student’s loyalty. Instead, recognize and celebrate your uniqueness; affirm the “other church”; and help your student to discover how God is working in their lives through both ministries.

When appropriate, challenge your students who attend other groups about their motives. Are they attending another church because it’s meeting a need your church is not? Or are they looking for the “coolest” church, or the one where the majority of their friends attend?

If it’s the latter, encourage your kids to contribute to your community in both the good and bad times. When students do this, according to Suter, “there is ownership which elevates authentic community for an individual.”

Brothers and Sisters

Above all, don’t abandon your students. Continue to love them when they attend your events and when they go elsewhere. In their absence, reach out to them and demonstrate care.

When students who belong to other churches attend your ministry, welcome and love them. When necessary, also help them to process theological and stylistic differences between churches.

“This can be a great opportunity for students to learn and understand other Christian views on the subject, and to embrace each other as brothers and sisters in Christ even though we might have different understandings of doctrine,” said Joon Hwang, Youth Pastor of New Life Church in Palatine, Illinois.

Finally, reach out to the youth pastor at the “other church” so together you can work toward the best interest of your student.

When we do that, God is glorified.