I spent the first 16 years of my adult life working with teenagers in a variety of youth ministry positions. I’ve spent the last 17 years studying teenagers, their lives and their culture. In the midst of all that, I’ve spent 23 years raising four kids of my own. Three have already passed through their teenage years. One is still smack dab in the midst of adolescence. You have experience of your own.
But let’s face the truth: We’re adults; they’re teenagers. Although we may share a roof and DNA, a cultural-generational gap will exist. And if adults don’t make an effort to love teenagers by working to close that gap, it will only continue to widen.
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What should parents do when they experience the highs and lows of parenting in a rapidly changing world? What should youth miniistry workers and others in relationships with teenagers do to close the gap and become more effective at fulfilling their unique callings?
No One Ever Said It’d Be Easy
It’s a big mistake to think of kids as liabilities; they’re rewards from God, given to us as a sign of God’s favor. Because God values them so highly, so must we. They’re not inconveniences or nuisances—whether they’re in your home or in your youth room.
Even during difficult times, the kids God’s given me as gifts remain gifts.
I learned a shocking lesson shortly after Caitlin’s birth, and I’ve been relearning it ever since. No matter how much time and effort I put into preparing for parenthood, there will always be surprises.
Some of those surprises can seem paralyzing. Raising and relating to kids is difficult for everyone, and it tends to become more so as kids reach the teenage years. The situation grows more complex for parents who raise more than one child since each child brings a unique personality and set of experiences.
Each of us will experience highs and lows, jolts and joys, thrills and spills. If you’re struggling as a parent, rest assured you’re not alone. I’ve made efforts, but I’ve also made mistakes, struggled with feelings of inadequacy, and grappled with rebellion in my kids. I’ve known sickening dread, sleepless nights, rage, bitterness, frustration, shame, futile hopes being shattered, and the battle between tenderness and contempt. (If you’re a youth worker, you know a bit about this too!)
No Perfect Kids...or Parents ...or Youth Workers
The root of problems in our families and homes and youth ministries is the sinful, selfish nature of kids and adults. It can be difficult to coexist peacefully. Parents must strive to raise healthy, well-adjusted kids. But it’s unrealistic to expect perfect kids and perfect families. To embrace such expectations only burdens parents and their kids with never “measuring up.” We must never forget that we’re all imperfect, finite beings touched by sin and incapable of perfection—not with our parenting, our ministries, or our homes.