I’ve been in youth ministry for almost two decades, and I’ve seen a lot of shed blood on my journey. I’ve seen youth pastors fall prey to a multitude of sins, sometimes with brutal consequences for themselves, their families and their calls to ministry.
When a series of inappropriate e-mail messages exchanged between a minister and a wife of another man was unknowingly forwarded to their friends, it was bad. When a CSI team—a real one, not the TV kind—cut carpet in the choir room to test for semen samples after a 13-year-old girl claimed she was abused by her youth pastor, it was very bad. One situation ended with janitors plucking skull fragments from the drywall after a friend in youth ministry killed himself because he could no longer deal with his secret sin.
In every situation, people were shocked: “But he was so happy,” they said. “We didn’t see this coming. …” “I never would have thought he was capable of that. …”
These cases aren’t the norm—but they aren’t uncommon either. What was wrong with these ministers-turned-perpetrators. Psychological autopsies provide the answer: They weren’t caring for their souls.
Preventative Soulcare
Americans are infamous for not taking care of themselves. We don’t exercise or eat right (unless we’re trying to lose 20 pounds before our high school reunion). We wait to see a physician or dentist until something doesn’t “feel right.” Preventative healthcare is always best, but sometimes we only seek help when it is too late to make a difference.
If we do not take care of ourselves in the physical realm, then it isn’t hard to assume we fail to care for the spiritual dimension of our lives, too. Preventative maintenance is what keeps a soul healthy. But as we seldom stop for a check-up or seek help, we don’t notice spiritual illness before it sets in.
In the summer of 2000, I received a call from a couple who were friends and also donors to WisdomWorks, our ministry to teenagers and youth pastors. A spot had opened up at a Colorado retreat center for pastors called SonScape. I had heard about this ministry and their two decades of experience in healing troubled ministers and their spouses. This couple was willing to pay for us to attend the eight-day session if we were interested.
My wife, Jade, saw this as some much-needed time together; but I was hesitant. The time away sounded great, but the potential stigma was cause for concern. I didn’t want my attendance there to imply I had a problem or that our marriage was in jeopardy. We wrestled with the opportunity and decided to go.
Making Space, Slowing Down
SonScape is just far enough up into the mountains outside of Colorado Springs to let you feel as though you are leaving your world behind to begin a great adventure, one from which you hope you will emerge a better person. It’s a small place—they only take four couples per session. But the accommodations are superb. Each couple has their own duplex, which makes the time away feel more like staying at home than in a hotel.